Bertie to rejoin Fianna Fáil?

They say all politics is local, but Fianna Fail in Dublin Central unanimously voting to ask for Bertie to rejoin Fianna Fáil is a bit like asking your violent, abusive, alcoholic ex partner to give things another go while he’s half way through a bottle of Jack Daniels. 

The chairman of Fianna Fáil Dublin Central Brian Mohan confirmed the highly controversial move after taking part in a “deep, meaningful discussion” with 30 other local members at the Skylon Hotel.

‘Deep and meaningful discussions’ only happen to Irish people when they have had one too many over a few pints, in bed with a lover, or your GP is giving you a bollocking about your drinking habits. Deep and meaningful never happens in politics and certainly not at local branch meetings. If the Dublin Central branch are not all doctors, and hopefully they weren’t all naked, I have a question for those thirty misguided political delinquents. Was there a free bar? A free bar can be the only explanation for this degeneracy. Everyone’s hammered, membership cards in bowl and sure fuck it. We’ll pass a motion asking can we have Bertie back. The rest of the country will think we drank the place dry, but we don’t care.

There’s a small problem, the country cares, Mehole Martin and the muesli eating, media savvy Fianna Fail nua brigade care. The leader of Fianna Fail, Micheal Martin said recently enough that ‘Bertie Ahern betrayed the trust in him by this country and this party’.
The last thing Mehole Martin wants is the spectre of Bertie hanging around like the ghost of Christmas past. Like all ghosts and all pasts they can be uncomfortable when reminded of and Bertie carries with more baggage than an Aer lingus Christmas shopping trip from New York. 

It was all boom when Bertie was Taoiseach but he left a legacy more toxic than Sellafield to the rest of our little Island. He infamously said “Sitting on the sidelines, cribbing and moaning is a lost opportunity. I don’t know how people who engage in that don’t commit suicide”.

That’s people who lost their homes, jobs, relationships broke down and all other socio-economic effects of Bertie and Fianna Fails mismanagement of the property driven economy. ‘Commit suicide’ that was his answer. Think about that.

Even more unbelievable was his defence when questioned about the large sums of sterling cash that was lodged in to his accounts. ‘I won it on the horses’. That’s what notorious underworld criminal John Gilligan claimed also and he was laughed out of court. Gilligan had to hand over his cash though.

One of Berties most unintentionally hilarious claims was that, he didn’t have bank account, when he was eh…..the minister for finance. That’s just Bertie issues.

The real reason Micheal Martin will be deeply uncomfortable at the ghost of Bertie past is because he was a senior minster for most of Berties governments. Fianna Fail policies under Bertie Ahern can only be described as when there was light at the end of the tunnel they just went and built more tunnel and called it progress.

So you can see why the country might be more than a little uncomfortable with the idea of Bertie Ahern trying to win back our love. We may laugh and joke at the how stupid would Fianna Fail be to have Bertie back. But too often the problem with political jokes in this country is that they get elected.  

About Paul Duggan

Politics, humour, Liberal, Curmudgeon, Rogue. Creator and author of Irish Shades of Grey.
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